My name is Heather. I love cat videos and coffee and being a colossal jackass. Ask me weird questions and we can be friends.
Posted: 1 week ago ● 24,253 notesReblog

officialunitedstates:

"Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law"

"How come millipedes have so many legs but can’t even move very fast"

(via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 54,074 notesReblog

pemsylvania:

pemsylvania:

can you describe fruit without saying the word fruit 

image

(via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 179,797 notesReblog

applesandelephants:

thisisurheichouspeaking:

Art dump part 4

okay story time

so my art teacher assigned us to do a chalk pastel still life of fruits n shit and I was like “no”

so I drew a banana instead.

and my teacher came by like “you need to have more than one fruit in your still life”

so I was like “k”

and so I put that cherry on top of the banana and titled it “Banana Split Without The Ice Cream Because Life Is Full Of Disappointments: By Fall Out Boy" and I turned that shit in.

My art teacher just started laughing out loud in the middle of class

this is my new favorite thing

(via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 111,400 notesReblog

ringingallover:

do centaur babies suckle from the horse nipples or the human nipples tho

(via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 252,368 notesReblog

carryonmy-assbutt:

lolfunnow:

My brother and his wife got in a fight last night. She apparently used his phone as a ninja star.

how hard did she throw that

(via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 529,917 notesReblog

suluboo:

relationship tip #78: ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ are cliche and outdated. try a fun new nickname such as ‘lieutenant’ instead 

(Source: queensamwise, via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 252,763 notesReblog

(Source: best-of-memes, via adventuresinloveandloss)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 188,687 notesReblog

sassy-gay-justice:

"You’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel"

God DAMN thats some Shakespearean shit right there

(Source: iraffiruse, via urbanclictionary)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 106,203 notesReblog

dekutree:

yung-lipton:

These hit the blunts tweets 😂😂💀

new age philosoraptor

(via juleswinnfield)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 183,361 notesReblog

nextyearsgirl:

"I’m not vaccinating my kids because they’ll build up immunity naturally anyway"

image

(Source: nextyearsgirlisaghostnow, via fuckmestupid)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 307,235 notesReblog

alabuio:

kathrynalexandre0406:

iraffiruse:

Nintendo Oui

I have been waiting for this for 84 years

It is…how you say a…metaphor

(via fuckmestupid)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 198,562 notesReblog

Good news bad news best news

sparkafterdark:

The good news:

image

 I found my favorite old jacket while sorting through my old stuff

The bad news:imageThe last time I wore it I was nine years old

The best news:

image

I am the anime now

(via fuckmestupid)

Posted: 1 week ago ● 508,903 notesReblog
Posted: 1 week ago ● 24,037 notesReblog
Posted: 1 week ago ● 1 noteReblog

And so the weird cravings begin.